Okay, my fellow “floor guys.” We need to talk!
The late great Mitch Hedberg said, “An escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. You would never see an ‘Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order’ sign, just ‘Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.’”
Do you ever feel like that escalator? As floor guys (like I have said, when I say “guys” I mean all of us collectively, gals, too) we do the best we can with the materials and site conditions we are given. This includes our tools, skills, bodies and our brains. We are craftsmen, we are resourceful, and we often have to think on our feet. Would you agree that we are a fairly sharp and crafty bunch? I’m not always convinced that the average flooring consumer fully understands what we do and how complicated it can be. The floor covering business at any level is not “Remedial Basket Weaving!”
Do you think you ever produced a perfect hardwood floor? We work under so many constraints, and we do not work in a vacuum chamber. We use every tool and trick in our résumé so the customers’ floors look beautiful. We get praise, we get paid, we move on. But, if you are like me, I often dwell on that one hair in the finish, a small edger mark on a custom stain job … you know the stuff. We live in a world where perfection is barely possible no matter how hard we try or how much we care: It is what it is. We all know that furniture is made in a vacuum chamber, sanded under computer-monitored controls, stained with aniline dyes, coated with laboratory-produced finishes, cured under UV light and packaged like fine china. But, we, my flooring brothers and sisters, deal with so many obstructive forces!
A short list of complications we have to deal with: Heat, humidity, wood species, oil-modified finish, waterborne finish, tung oil (and other oils), big machine adjustments, edger adjustments, chatter, wave, swirls, staining, water-popping, scraping, edging, orbital sanding, on and on … so many variables!
Ever edge a floor as long as the paper lasts and finally get to stop and stand up—but you can’t?!
Ever edge a floor as long as the paper lasts and finally get to stop and stand up—but you can’t?! You walk to the nearest windowsill like the hunchback of Notre Dame and try to stand up straight? Ever sand with the “big machine” so long that you snapped a nerve in your wrist like 100 volts just ran through it? How about nail a floor so fast you fell on your face because your boot laces got installed between the flooring?! (Okay, that one was me.) Can we agree that what we do day to day just ain’t easy?!
I say it in seminars and to my customers: “We are in a trade where at the end of the longest, hardest day, we need to be as perfect as possible, with all attention to detail and customer satisfaction. We may be in our 12th or 14th hour—exhausted, drained, burnt—and yet we have to complete the project to the best of our ability. Picking up where we left off tomorrow would be foolish. If we don’t seal our work now, someone could come in here with wet boots, or open the windows and let in insects, or turn on the forced hot air and blow debris all over. So we stay. If we leave, we will be starting over, guaranteed! The crew wants to go home. It could take just 30 minutes; it could be 2 hours. Either way, it’s gotta get done. We’re all filthy and exhausted, and we haven’t eaten since noon. But, again, we need to protect all that we have done … now!
If you like horror films, just watch YouTube.
You think the average consumer has any idea what we know? What we do? How long it took to get to this level, how complicated our craft is, how complicated our task at hand can be? No! Almost never. If you like horror films, just watch YouTube—man, they got some serious wood floor hack-‘em-ups there! It’s must-see TV!
Let’s commiserate a bit, and you tell me if we share some of the same frustrations. I like to think that a blog is a place where someone (me, in this case) can throw out thoughts, ideas, ask questions … you know, just to get a dialogue going. Then, you, my valued colleagues can jump in: agree, disagree, comment, bust on me, whatever. We laugh, we argue, we exchange ideas and together maybe we learn something new. Maybe “blog” really stands for "Bonding with Like-Minded Online Guests’!” (I had stuff like: Bunch of Loudmouths Online Griping. Seemed a bit much.)
Next week I’m going to share one of my favorite lines I’ve heard from wood flooring consumers, and you tell me if you’ve heard the same (and share some of your own!).
