Hardwood Floors periodically sends out reader surveys asking for feedback on the magazine and asking for funny stories from the industry, one of which we publish in every issue as a Tale From the Front. We thought we'd share some of the responses that made us laugh but haven't made it into the magazine. (If you'd like to fill out our reader survey, click on www.surveymonkey.com/s/KVM7D26.) Here they are:
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Hardwood Floors periodically sends out reader surveys asking for feedback on the magazine and asking for funny stories from the industry, one of which we publish in every issue as a Tale From the Front. We thought we'd share some of the responses that made us laugh but haven't made it into the magazine. (If you'd like to fill out our reader survey, click on www.surveymonkey.com/s/KVM7D26.) Here they are:
"Every day is a funny job-site story with the workers I have."
"I sanded and refinished a hallway for a friend's mother. It was a rough job that turned out splendid. She thought I got frustrated and tore out the floor and replaced it with brand-new flooring, when I merely did a sand and refinish."
"I was tapping a board into place once with a dead blow hammer and it slipped out of my hand and went through a window."
"I got a call from a contractor: The homeowner had put on nine coats of some weird maintenance product, so the contractor called the manufacturer of the product and asked how to remove it. They recommended using a 'high-quality stripper.' The contractor asked how much that would cost, since 'low-quality strippers in this area get $25 just for a lap dance.' "
"My name is Harry Armstrong and my customer wrote me a check made out to Harry Potter."
"One time we told the new guy on the job to go and find 'the liquid nail stretcher.' He spent a half hour looking for it and came back empty-handed. We told him to go back and look again; he came back again, and we sent him out once more. That was over 10 years ago, and we still laugh about it."
"One time me and my crew were applying a final coat on a home when a neighborhood Saint Bernard who had kept wandering onto the job site and pushing open the front door ended up flat on its belly in the middle of our floor. The big dog was looking for a handout at lunchtime but got quite a surprise instead. No doubt someone had to shave that dog! The floor had to be resanded because there was so much hair in it, but we still get quite a laugh when we think about it."
"One time, working at a university, I was instructed to make a trap door on a stage to provide access to some utilities. I created an access panel out of the maple using a weave so it became invisible. A few hours had gone by and the job foreman, from up above on the balcony, became agitated with me. He thought I forgot to make the access panel. The other carpenters and tradesmen started laughing, knowing the panel was indeed there but not easy to notice."
"Working with my former partner, I was preparing the oil-base poly for application and grabbed a thinner jug from the truck to add a slight amount to the poly. After adding it and stirring I looked at the thinner and noticed it was unusually yellow in color. So I questioned my partner about it and he said he had to go to the bathroom and had used an empty thinner jug and put it back in the truck. It did not seem to affect the outcome or smell … I never received a complaint, but I really had some choice words for my partner, who is now retired."
"Once I was on a sand and finish job and the couple went on vacation while I did the floor. I had two weeks to do it and they came back a week early without telling me. I told him I still had a weeks' worth of work to do before he could move back in. He was so tight with money he had his pregnant wife climbing a ladder into a second-floor window to sleep."
"Ten years ago I sanded and finished a floor and it was for a good friend and did give him a great deal, so as a joke, I stuck one of my cards in a closet and finished over it with three coats of poly. The people that just bought the house saw that and called me-they saw the card and they want the whole house recoated."
"I told one of my customers about an old timer who once used corn starch to stop a squeak in a spot on his floor. The next day I went back at his request, and to my surprise, the floor was covered with corn starch. With a smile, he asked me: 'How do I get it out of the cracks?'"
"I once parked my van on an icy driveway. As we were walking to the door, we looked back and the van was sliding down the driveway backwards, with the emergency brake on and in gear. "
"I wish I had some story about a hot homeowner that comes down in her teddy, but I think that only happens to pool cleaners."
And finally, some sage advice:
"I learned how to do wood flooring 35 years ago from a wood floor mechanic who had been doing it for 50 years. One piece of advice he gave me was: Never have an affair with the customer until you get paid!"
