Barry Oliver Customer: Do you take credit cards? Me: (without thinking) The only place I have to swipe a card through, you don't want to see. Did I just tell them to swipe my butt?
Trevor White Eleven years ago I was standing in a woman's house, maybe a 300K dollar house, and she asked me if I could do the job. I replied, "I normally just do million-dollar homes, but since the economy crashed I suppose I could do yours."
Eric Olejkowski "What moron installed this floor?" The owner goes, "Yeah, that was me!"
Ken Ballin "Sure, I can get over there Christmas Eve. No problem."
Mitchell Canter "Yeah, I can move your curio cabinets and all the crap in them."
Lou Buono Jr. A woman asked me if the process was dust-free. I enthusiastically said, "Yes! The dust comes free with the job."
Ross Hansman "Have your interior designer come over and give their opinion on the color."
Brad Fultz "Piano? No problem!"
Gary Kuchinsky "When are you due?" … to a non-pregnant woman.
Jeff Haddick "I promise…"
Micheal Seeley "Pink with white overtone? That will look great."
Bob Patterson (In the early days) "Whatever his price is, I will match it."
Keith Christopherson After picking out a stain color the customer asked if I could stain a small sample piece of wood she can take to pick out kitchen stools. Without skipping a beat, I replied, "Or you can always bring a stool sample here!" Thankfully she had a sense of humor and laughed.
Jake Schlichte "Here's all 50+ color options."
Jorge Perez "While moving furniture we found your dildo." Should've just left that one alone.
Jarrod Wellmann I told a bald lady, "No worries, today we'll try to stay outta your hair!" I felt terrible and I didn't mean it like that.
Gregory Dozorec Years ago I asked a blind guy if he was happy with the stain color his wife picked out. He threw me off when he asked if I could get it any darker.