Long made this inlay before taking his NWFA classes, but he's convinced he could re-create it now in just a few hours instead of the days it first took him.
One of the most frequently seen faces at this year's NWFA schools in St. Louis and Las Vegas has been that of Keith Long, owner and operator of Greeley, Colo.-based Thunderheart Flooring. After working on his own for the past four years, Long went headlong into education this year and, when the Expert Sand & Finish school ends in mid-October, will have completed five separate NWFA classes alongside Frank Kroupa, the association's senior director of technical education. Long's frequent school appearances were motivated by a desire to escape the day-in, day-out routine of installing "cookie cutter" floors ubiquitous in new-home building. This also inspired "New Construction Blues," a poem he wrote detailing the tribulations of installing new-construction flooring. "It was a way to get a little comic relief out of a situation that left me a little disgruntled," Long says. "I was frustrated that there is so much of a lack of demand for quality in new construction-and that's just not in my nature." The nearly 1,000-word poem (in-full below) follows Long from the early morning commute, to his pleading and squabbling with the pushy GC: "Cheap and fast is the name of the game that we play, son/The homeowners don't know the difference," the GC says. To that, Long opines, "Head to St. Louis to see Frank and learn/I've decided that's what I'll do/Try my hand at new ways to earn/And ditch these new construction blues."
At the NWFA's May Jigs/Medallion Workshop in St. Louis, Keith Long learned from NWFA's Frank Kroupa (pictured) and Majestic Wood Floors Inc.'s Bob Humphreys.
New Construction Blues
The van's full of gas, the tires look okay
The hour long commute is out of the way
Bucked the wind across the Colorado line
Cheyenne, Wyoming is growing full time
First light is just here as I veer to avoid
A wheel loader that's running full speed
Filling a truck that is stuck in the muck
He'll chain up and get pulled out if need be
New construction - the unspoken rule is don't be a fool
and pipe up to ask any questions
They get in the way of your getting things done
they don't want any talk, they want action!
The ones with the money tied up on this outfit
Will do the thinking, thank you very much
They're looking for Neanderthals who have no quit
Yet possess that finishing touch
Work sunup to sundown and drive in the dark
Squeeze in a shower and meal
When will you have time to take your kid to the park?
Not sure, just don't lose that zeal
To set strips of OSB and used two-bys
through the mud where the concrete has yet to be poured
Get your tools on the site, and if you're fast enough
you might stay on here and never be bored
Scrape, scrape, scrape that OSB incessantly
Wondering all the while how come
There's more mud on the floor than there is on the walls
Then fill a 55 gallon drum
Set 89 nails that hang up your scraper
And marr up the soles of your shoes
It's not yet seven, and boys, this ain't heaven
I'm feelin' the new construction blues
In walks the General and says, 'Are you done yet?'
As the sun peeks up over the hill
'This floor would be half in by now if the sub,
That's you, possessed any skill.'
I check moisture on Hickory wood and the subfloor
They barely fall within range
"Sir, it would help if the furnace was set above sixty."
He looks at me as if I'm deranged
'Heat costs me money, and I don't like payin'
for things that don't make no difference.'
'Get to rackin' and smackin' them boards into place,
make it fit for owners or tenants.'
I paper with Aquabar B and cut out
The vent holes and end walls so nicely
Tape says it's off an inch in twenty-five feet
And General barks off snidely
'All this measurin' and dinkin' around
ain't gittin' no floor laid down, son.'
'If it were me, I'd lose all these gadgets,
by the way, what's this here one?'
"Sir, that's a wall jack, it comes in quite handy
For finishing off the end walls."
'Kid, the last guy could finish it all with a pry bar,
your methods make no sense at all.'
I think I can make it look half way straight
And inquire, "Sir, how thick's the base?"
He looks at me curiously, as if it doesn't matter,
And snorts with indifference, 'Five-eighths.'
Yes, I can make this floor turn out okay
I adjust and snap the center line in
It'll work yet, boys, I'll tweak and refine
And turn this turd into a diamond
'Why in sam hell would you start in the middle, son,
have you completely lost your mind?'
'Your methods confound me, by the way, what's this strip stuff?'
I answer politely, "That's spline."
'Hmmm…' the General replies, thoughtfully looking
As I wonder is there hope for him yet
Until he replies, 'I'd pitch this stuff in the trash,
There's nothin' some face nails can't get.'
"Sir, I'm about to fire up my compressor,
Not a place for unprotected ears."
"Saws and routers and all kinds of racket
So why don't you get out of here?"
'Before I go I want you to know
you need oil down by this Thursday.'
'And there's twenty-eight to go before we see snow
So I suggest you get in a hurry.'
"Thanks for the input, sir." I say politely
Without even making a scoff
"I'm putting on headphones and starting this air maker,
so now I'm running you off."
Five days and a mountain of sandpaper later
And some oil-based semi-gloss finish
That Hickory diamond has finally appeared
And the General says with a grimace
'Let's get a move on - we're burnin' daylight -
the next one's two doors to the East.'
'Would there be any way you would do that one faster,
if I said sugar, and cherries, and please?'
'Cheap and fast is the name of the game that we play, son,
the homeowners don't know the difference.'
'So what do you say, can you crank up that line speed,
although it means making concessions?'
"Sir, when I touch a floor, I own the whole thing,
With all of its good traits and challenge."
"If something fails, it's my junk in the squasher,
so kindly stop riding my back end."
"I said five days, sir, and it'll be right,
Designed not to buckle or crack."
"There's plenty of hacks that don't own wall jacks
If you need it done sooner than that."
As I set some planks through the mud two doors East
And scrape drywall drips and set nails
A thought comes to mind that brings me some peace,
I choose to do this, it's not jail
I'll get with the NWFA and take courses
And hone my skills as it were
I'll land higher margin jobs, avoid lourdosis
And kick this yayhoo to the curb
I know that higher end clientele may come
With their share of neurosis and problems
Yet that's a chance that I'm willing to take
I have no intention to fault them
Head to St. Louis to see Frank and learn
I've decided that's what I'll do
Try my hand at new ways to earn
And ditch these new construction blues
